Brighten my northern sky.


"I see myself in Sara," I would often tell Earl whenever I come across the film 'Serendipity' or simply hear a song from the movie.

Not that Kate Beckinsale and I share the same pretty face and to-die-for bod, or that I would have pressed '23' too, as a random floor, in an elevator; but because I, too, am fascinated with destiny.

No, serendipity isn't my favorite word, yet for some ineffable reason, I fancy the idea of chance meetings, of omens, of inexplicable turns of events, which in the long and twisting run, makes perfect sense.

Overthinking is probably one of the skills I've mastered since I was young, which makes me totally compatible with Michael Scofield, by the way. I've learned to create meanings out of people and events. I've learned to evaluate and shape my next steps based on the 'signs' I observe at the present. The previous two to three sentences may seem unintelligible or total trash, but, no, they aren't.

See, I believe that things happen for a reason. And why they happen, often is a result of the choices we make. It always is connected with something we did in the past, a place we've visited, an acquaintance we shared a conversation with, a secret affair we had, a telephone number we scribbled on a book. :p

That we made a mistake and we say we did not mean it is an empty statement. Yes, it is lamentable, but the only way we could move forward is to accept that the turn of events was our own doing, and to ask forgiveness--no matter how terribly hard and heartbreaking and pride-shattering it would be.

I almost always rely on signs. I make a big deal out of things--some are acceptable, and some...well a little out of place. These misapplied contentions often involve, yes, my boyfriend. lol. What's a sassy girl got to do?

Anyway, reading signs though could be heart-wrenching too. When the turn of events becomes clear to you. When the past you believed in just seemed to be entirely built on lies. When the people you've trusted all your life become mere shadows in the distance you could no longer recognize. When believing ever since becomes a difficult feat to take. That's when you question whether things had to turn out the way they did. And that's when you conclude that life, truly, could be so cruel. And you try to hold on to whatever 'real' thing you could.

It's as if Paramore has been waiting for the opportune time for me to get the message: "Go get your shovel, and we'll dig a deep hole..to bury the castle." Fairies and rainbows and butterflies, while they are beautiful, are not always here to stay. And I'll be too much of a hypocrite to pretend that trauma was not done, or that things are okay, or that everything is going to be ever the same.

I still have faith in fate, but faith in what's already been broken, wrecked, crushed --I don't think it will ever be completely there.

I see myself in Sara. We both have faith in destiny. No matter how much time passes, or how bruised and weary our hearts become, we remain hopeful and welcome fortunate accidents to help us believe...again.

I did find the only exception. No wonder, I could so relate to this song.

I see myself in Sara. I often follow my heart and I believe in soulmates and I like funny people.


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